Tell Us About: Confidence

 

Dear friends. It's time for the Tell Us About challenge, and this month eight bloggers, including me, are writing about my prompt, Confidence.

My first draft had to be deleted because I was approaching it from the wrong perspective, self esteem instead of confidence. The two are easily confused.

The definition of Confidence is: 

Confidence means feeling sure of yourself and your abilities — not in an arrogant way, but in a realistic, secure way. Confidence isn't about feeling superior to others.

I've always been a confident person, although it's not often obvious. i call it quiet confidence.  I learnt at a young age that unless I could find strategies to hide my shyness, I wouldn't achieve what I wanted in life. 

From a young age I wanted to have a successful career, make my own money, and never be reliant on a man. 

I made career choices which normally work better for bold, extroverted people. As a result, I had to teach myself to essentially become an actor so that I could fake it to make it. 

Confidence Made Me a Journalist 

At school, I told very few people that I intended to become a journalist.  The deputy head told my parents I'd never succeed as a reporter because "she won't ever get her foot in the door." She thought nursing or secretarial work would be better.  

It made me more determined than ever to become a journalist. I succeeded into getting into a newspaper apprentice scheme and was a print and radio journalist for nearly 10 years. 

I then went into marketing and worked in advertising, PR and content creation, finally getting the marketing director position I'd longed for. I'd learnt my craft over a number of years and was confident of my abilities, which I needed to be. The corporate world of technology was very Machiavellian and male-dominated.

I came to love giving presentations, particularly to large audiences of sceptics, although I was never comfortable with professional networking or schmoozing with industry peers and senior managers. Below, I list some tips on how to enjoy presenting, as I know a lot of people dread doing it.

Confidence Made Me Carnival Queen

Nowadays we don't have much time or respect for beauty pageants, but back in the 70s, contests like Miss World drew huge global audiences.  When my village decided to have a carnival queen with a procession in the Queen's Silver Jubilee, 1977, I was confident I would win. Not because I was prettier than the others - I definitely wasn't - but because I'd planned a strategy for winning.

I knew that appearing confident would make me stand out. The other contestants, mostly my peers from school, would be giggling and not taking it seriously.  I also bought a distinctive outfit.  It was a co-ord as we call them now, a belted jacket over a skirt in khaki green. I can't remember wearing it again, but it did the job. 

I also practised walking with a book on my head because I knew good deportment would make me noticeable.

It worked - I won! When I got home, with my bouquet of flowers, even my mum looked astonished and said "You beat XX and XX?"  (Two prettier girls).  Yes I did, because I was confident I would. 

(As a footnote, I probably didn't enjoy Jubilee Day as much as everyone else because my crippling shyness meant it was a struggle to have to shake hands with, and kiss, the tug o'war team!). 

MY TIPS FOR APPEARING CONFIDENT AT WORK

• If your job involves giving presentations and you dread it:
• Remember, you're a subject matter expert. No-one can trip you up. 
• It's actually magical having an audience in the palm of your hand. Learn how to work the audience by changing your pitch and speed when talking, and your body language. You can pick up tips from podcasts and courses.
• If the tech fails, talk without it.  I did that once and it was amazing. I couldn't access slides so I just talked. And we won the pitch. 
• If you see people sitting back with arms folded, obviously disengaged, keep catching their eye as if you're speaking to them. 
• Make sure you are vocally providing extra context and depth, and not just reciting what's on your slides. 

• At professional networking events, go in with head high and shoulders back. 
• Take a deep breath and see if you spot anyone else on their own, or anyone you know.
• Prepare a few conversation topics in advance  (keep them on a phone Note if you need a reminder)
• Wear the outfit that makes you feel powerful. Red is always a winner.

Now Let's See how the Other Bloggers Got On! 

Debbie from Deb's World (Australia) likens confidence to boldness and reminisces about her YEAR of being BOLD. Confidence is something she never thought she had a lot of, but perhaps she was wrong! 

Rosie Amber (UK) has taken a fun approach to this subject with a little personality quiz.

Penny from Frugal Fashion Shopper (UK)  says Confidence is an elusive thing:  it’s there and then in a flash, it’s gone. But it does reappear again. Capturing and keeping hold of this thing called confidence is going to be a major target over the next few years, she says.

Anne from Spygirl  (US) mustered the confidence to pose nude at age 68!

Marsha from Marsha in the Middle (US) writes about the confidence she found in the most unusual place.

Suzy from Suzy Turner (Portugal) writes about her journey with confidence, sharing how simple lessons learned as a teen—like the power of walking tall—sparked a path toward self-assurance. From dancing her heart out at parties to finding confidence in front of the camera later in life, Suzy reflects on her own growth, amusing moments, and helpful tips for those days when confidence feels elusive.

Leslie from Once Upon a Time and Happily Ever After (US)  has chased confidence all her life.  Has she ever caught it? Check out her post to find out. 

I hope you enjoyed our posts on Confidence.  Please share any anecdotes or tips that particularly resonated with you, and of course, your own thoughts.  

Sharing my posts with these fantastic sites. 

Subscribe for 1 email a week from Is This Mutton for an update on posts you may have missed. Find us on Facebook, Instagram, X.  

Next month's challenge is the final one for 2024, and Rosie Amber has chosen "Going Green" as the prompt. If you have an evergreen or new post to add to the link-up, make a calendar date of 19 December. 

TELL US ABOUT LINK-UP FOR YOUR POSTS ON CONFIDENCE

The link-up is open until 29 November. Posts not related to Confidence will be removed. If you're looking for the Wow on Wednesday link-up, please scroll below to the previous post. 

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Outfits that give us confidence

We all have a couple of outfits that are our "go to" outfits when we need to feel confident. When I'm going to an event such as a conference or interview where I need to impress, I can always depend on my black jacket (above) worn with trousers which are "of the moment" - as in cropped trousers today - and either metallic boots in winter or sandals or edgy flats in summer.

The jacket is a MaxMara but was an amazing bargain. I was rummaging in the House of Fraser department store in Swindon a few years ago when, on the sale rail, I found this divine jacket. And it was reduced to £10!

Red and white

A few weeks ago I featured outfits which give me confidence. This was one of my most popular posts, which shows the one thing we're all looking for is confidence!

When we're having a "fat day" a long jacket is good for the confidence, while a shot of red says that we're feeling on top of the world. We still need a jacket at this time of year but instead of a black jacket I'm wearing an ivory one. I'm still using the same felt flowers for a pop of color.

10 Ways to Get Your Mojo Back

 

Dear friends. We've had 18 months of lock down followed by a seemingly endless string of shortages and price hikes.  It's not surprising that many of us have still to regain our mojo. We're still nowhere near pre-pandemic levels of socialising.  

Clothing brand Joe Browns recently carried out a survey to find out how people are feeling about their wardrobe confidence post lockdown. With over 13,000 responses, they found that 47% of people avoid wearing what they would like due to a lack of body confidence.  

Nailing Your Personal Style

 And #WowOnWednesday

Dear friends. Have you nailed your personal style?  Do you gravitate towards certain styles and shapes that suit your build and personality?  Or do you get seduced online, in shops or on Instagram, by the whims of fashion, the desire to keep trying something different, or not really knowing what to buy that will suit your shape?

What I Wore to Good Housekeeping Live

 And Wow on Wednesday

Dear friends. I had such a great time at the event run by Good Housekeeping that I thought I'd write a post about it.  GH Live is an annual Christmas themed event, run in collaboration with Country Living magazine.  

I went with Anna who some of you know from her YouTube site, My Over 50 Fashion Life. We went under our own steam  (not gifted).

Is This Mutton Meets: Isobel Kell

Welcome to a new series at Is This Mutton? where I meet inspiring, extraordinary women aged 50 plus. Isobel Kell is the winner of the Look Fabulous Forever Face of 2019. In the last few years she has had a tumultuous time: finding love in mid life, moving house, having a cancer diagnosis and turning an acting hobby into a profession.

Sentence a Day: January 2022

 

A quiet month, hunkering down to get through January.  On the Plus side, I'm making good use of my gym membership and managing to combine a few walks with Yoga and Body Balance. The most exciting thing this month was being a guest on a podcast. 

Friday Favourites: Books, TV, Podcasts

 

Dear friends. Another month, another selection of TV, books and podcasts. Let's start with books. 

We're Glad to Be Grey: Results of the Is This Mutton? Survey

Women over 50, feel proud. You're happy to be your age, accepting of grey hair,  and doing your bit to try to reduce your carbon footprint and make greener choices.

Here are the results of the second Is This Mutton? survey - and fascinating they are, too.

Let's dive in. The majority of respondents were from the UK and Ireland with 13% from the US and Canada, and four per cent from rest of the world. 34% were over the age of 60, 31% between the ages of 55 and 60, and 24% aged between 50 and 55. 10% were aged over 70.

Key Goals for 2020

I left this question free style with space for comments. A lot of you said you wanted to lose weight,
get fit (or fitter) and drink less alcohol, but there were other goals too:

• Go 100% whole food plant based, no oil, diet
• Build strength and come off a medication
• Greener choices, shop locally
• Be happy /read more books, live life
• Forgive wrongs and move forward. Find a project, do something new each month
• Buy only a few pieces (latest clothes and accessories) that really work for me everyday
• Write, learn, continue to share a message about plastic pollution, go on adventures, release a film, qualify in a new role

A recurring theme was making greener choices. This reader summed it up well: " Trying greener has been a priority to in our family since 2006! Just the little things, more to do with less waste of #food.

"Now in 2020 it's to try and rid ourselves of plastic, invest in good #tupperware #glass containers that will last decades to house our food, lotions and potions. Have noticed that liquid soap are more freely available in large rectangle sizes."

40% said they would avoid certain retailers and "fast fashion," while 19% said they didn't know enough about it to make a decision yet.  39% aren't worried about fast fashion.

How do we feel about being over 50?

Ladies, I take my hats off to you because you're a lot more positive ageing about than I am. The survey results are certainly questioning some of my own (deep) thoughts and fears, and I'll write an honest post about that. 

However, nearly 50% said they felt invisible with 27% saying they never did, and 24% saying they occasionally felt invisible. More than 80% of you are happy to tell people your age. When you don't, it's because it's no-one else's business! 

The question "are you still a head turner?" confounded some, with one respondent telling me she had never been a head turner. To me, it's less about looks than a certain confidence, or sense of style, that  commands attention when we're at the top of our game.

The good news is, half of us say we can turn heads occasionally.

The idea of "tweakments" - botox and fillers - was rejected, with 55% saying they would never try them, even if money wasn't an issue.

On the grey/gray hair question, the majority - 25% - have grey hair and are happy with it.  But the rest of us, well, very mixed views. 14% are thinking about going grey. 18% say they will never go grey. Four per cent said they wouldn't consider it until they're retired.

Lots of comments:

• I'm over 50 but not one grey hair yet
• I may do it but not for a while. I don't have much grey yet
• Happy with highlights

I'll be writing a follow-up post about going grey. 

Views on the menopause

Of those who have been through the menopause, 35% said they were glad they no longer have periods. A pleasing 31% said they were enjoying this new phase of their life.  14% said they were sad they were no longer fertile. Quite a few comments: 

• I do think the menopause can change you as a person
• I am in the midst of it and cannot wait for it to be over
• I wish the tiredness and hot flushes would stop
• I'm 53 and no symptoms yet
• Full surgical menopause at 39 and still suffering
• Had an early menopause at 38 and was definitely sad even though my family was complete
• Came as a shock! Felt my body had let me down
• Couldn't live without HRT patches 

What we dread most about getting older

The biggest worries are being a burden,  followed by losing friends and family, and third, aches and pains. 

Encouragingly, there's less criticism of women for what they wear 

In the UK a lot of the weekly magazines, the Mail Online and a couple of the other dailies, spend a lot of time being critical of what older women are wearing, particularly if it's anything that challenges a particular perception of how a woman over 50 should look. Madonna in particular gets a lot of stick for having the audacity to display her toned, slim body in revealing clothes. 

But the good news is, while 35% of you said there's too much focus on what older women wear, 36% said it 's improving. 

Attitudes towards fashion

Thinking about when we were 25, 62% observed that they're less fashionable but more stylish.  I would whole heartedly agree with that.  I shared some of my dreadful outfits from my 20s here. At 25, we're still inclined to slavishly follow trends, even if they don't suit us  (and I didn't have much understanding then of what styles and shapes do suit me). As older women, we've learnt what flatters us and we're prepared to go for comfort over fashion occasionally.

I gave a long list of clothes items that are often considered "challenging" for older women:  mini skirts, leather trousers, bikinis, low cut tops. The majority - 33% - were most fearful of a bikini, followed by an even more nervous 31% who wouldn't wear ANY of those items. Applause for the brave 11% who said they would wear anything. 

We're not set in our ways: brands take note! 

47% of you like to change your appearance occasionally with a new hairstyle, a different look or new makeup.

When it comes to buying makeup, 45% are influenced by reviews, 21% by seeing something in-store, 13% by magazine reviews and 11% by blog posts. 

What makeup items could you not do without?

Mascara is the single most essential item in the makeup bag. 17% like to wear everything: I listed foundation, concealer, mascara, blusher, mascara, lipstick. But a surprising 26% of you never wear makeup at all.  I'm not in that category - as a bare minimum I wear a concealer and blusher, and for work I add some eye shadow and mascara.  For evenings, below, it's the works plus lipstick.

Stop lumping the 50-80 age group together!

There wasn't a survey question about it, but one of the topics guaranteed to get hackles rising on Twitter is how "the media" tends to lump everyone between the age of 50 and 85 in one homogeneous age group. This is the equivalent of showing a baby picture to represent "young people" up to the age of 35.

Any story about people over 50 who are still working  (which in itself is an insult, given that the pension age is rising to 67) is often accompanied by a lazy stock image of a pair of very wrinkled hands clutching a walking stick. Here's one below. Look familiar?

Articles about the menopause usually feature women looking frazzled and never vibrant or energetic - although a lot of menopausal and post-menopausal women put younger people to shame with their energy and fitness levels. 

Finally a new survey by healthy ageing supplement brand LUMITY has more positive news for us:  women over 50 said they felt happier and healthier than ever and had discovered a brand new inner and outer confidence.

Thanks to everyone who responded to the Is This Mutton survey. Look out for my follow-up posts over the next few weeks. The first one, featuring two women who have grey hair and love it, will be published on 26 February.

Sharing this post with Claire Justine, #iwillwearwhatiwant at Not Dressed as Lamb, Top of the World Style at High Latitude Style, Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style,  Turning Heads Tuesday at Elegantly Dressed and Stylish; Style with a Smile at Stylesplash; Chic & Stylish at Mummabstylish, Linkup on the Edge at Shelbee on the Edge, Red Carpet Link Up at Glamadventure, Muttonstyle, Fancy Friday at Nancy's Fashion Style #BloggerClubUK or #AnythingGoes at My Random Musings Thursday Moda at Elegance and Mommyhood

Now it's time for #WowOnWednesday

Last week's readers' favourite (most clicked) was Karen from Lady in Violet with her post Maroon Sweater. 

My favourite non-fashion post was by Laurie from Vanity and Me and her post  FF Trinny London v By Terry CC Serum.  In this honest review Laurie compared the two products. I've heard great things about the Trinny London range, and Trinny herself is an inspiration - so will be checking it out.

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Living Her Life in Colour: Liddy Pereira

 

Today on International Women's Day we meet Liddy Pereira, a UK businesswoman whose love of colour extends into all aspects of her life.  A popular member of the Kettlewell Colour Club on Facebook, Liddy is a mother of two who runs her own company and is planning to base her future career on colour. 

Liddy Pereira, 42, who lives in Godalming, Surrey,  creates beautiful outfits mixing colours, and is known for photos which explore her creative side. 

April Adventures

 

Dear friends. I'm back with my monthly diary and TV/podcast recommendations.  April featured a stunning Flowers exhibition, a colourful meetup in Tonbridge and lots of cycling as our Scottish bike holiday beckons.

Friday Favourites: Bumper Edition - Books, Podcasts, TV

 

Dear friends. I bring you a special edition of my round-up of TV, books and podcasts.  You lucky people! 

There's a wide range of entertainment covered including latest Korean thriller The Silent Sea, much hyped film Don't Look Up, a thrilling podcast drama Last Known Position, and three books making big waves - Mrs March, Snowflake and Sorrow and Bliss. I also give my thoughts on The Responder,  Trigger Point, Hidden Assets - and plenty of others. 

Tell Us About...Imagination

 

Dear friends.  It's time for this month's Tell Us About challenge, and this time it was set by Suzy from The Grey Brunette. Imagination is the topic. 

When I was a child I was very imaginative. From a very young age I was writing stories and creating plays and comics. But over time, I fear I am less imaginative. It seems as if the left hand side of my brain has taken over, and while I'll never be able to master a spreadsheet  (and thankfully don't need to now!) I've become too organized and analytical to let my mind wander.

Make Your Views Heard: It's the Annual Is This Mutton? Survey - and link up

I need your help friends. Will you share your views on what it's like to be 50+ today?  It's the second Is This Mutton? survey, and since the first, a year ago, things have changed considerably for us.

I'm Spoiling You with These Books: November 2025

 

Dear friends. I bring you no fewer than three 5 star books this month. They are very different from each other.  

Discover the conscientious Norwegian detective Wisting; the loner who lives for the nightclub, and a determined little girl in Scotland who became one of the most significant players in Formula One racing. 

As always, most of the books were provided several months prior to publication from NetGalley in return for an honest review.  I don't blog about them until they are available to you.  Books with an asterisk are those I bought myself. 

Orange: Would You?

 And #TuesdayTwirl

Dear friends. Orange is a bit divisive.  You either love it or hate it.  It's a warm colour and definitely doesn't flatter if you are cool toned.  It's also quite attention seeking, perhaps in a different way to red, which stands for passion, power and confidence.

Summer Dresses in Cold Weather

 And Wow on Wednesday

Dear friends.  2024 has definitely been The Year of the Dress for me.  I hardly had any dresses, this year I've bought seven, mostly pre-loved.

They're all summer dresses, but lend themselves well to being "winterised."

Let me share my latest acquisition, a retro look dress from Madcap England, and how I'll be wearing it for the next few months.

Fuchsia pink and white

I've always loved fuchsia pink, even before the lovely Pamela at Style Yourself Confident told me I have cool coloring, so it's one of the colors that suits me.

I buy quite a lot from eBay and that's where I got this Kaliko top. I have several searches set up on eBay for things I love - Boden skirts, Joseph Ribkoff dresses, Fantasie swimwear (brand new).

Latest Book Reviews

 #WhatsOnYourBookshelf

Dear friends. Welcome to another round-up of book reviews and the #WOYBS link-up with bloggers in the southern hemisphere. The star rating is:  5 stars = I loved it! 4 stars = very good;  3 stars - OK;  2 stars: don't go there.